Panicked Teddy Bridgewater Can’t Find Second Glove Anywhere

Saints QB Teddy Bridgewater was seen in a blind panic on Wednesday morning, as he rifled through his locker loudly whispering “Where is it…Where IS IT?” to himself.  Teammates reported that Bridgewater was squirrelly all morning and barely responded to their calls of “Yo, Teddy Two-Gloves!” and “Teddy Two-Glovesssss” as they passed him in the hallway.

This could affect Bridgewater’s preparation for the team’s Week 4 game against the Cowboys, as he has already missed multiple team meetings while retracing his steps and muttering “It HAS to be here somewhere” over and over again.  None of that appears to have worked, as he was last seen painting his left hand white.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Saints QB Teddy Bridgewater was seen in a blind panic on Wednesday morning, as he rifled through his locker loudly whispering “Where is it…Where IS IT?” to himself.  Teammates reported that Bridgewater was squirrelly all morning and barely responded to their calls of “Yo, Teddy Two-Gloves!” and “Teddy Two-Glovesssss” as they passed him in the hallway.

This could affect Bridgewater’s preparation for the team’s Week 4 game against the Cowboys, as he has already missed multiple team meetings while retracing his steps and muttering “It HAS to be here somewhere” over and over again.  None of that appears to have worked, as he was last seen painting his left hand white.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Eli Fumbles Clipboard Twice in Last-Second Giants Win

The Giants took down the Buccaneers on Sunday, improving to 1-2 on the season.  But it wasn’t all smooth sailing for the GMen, as QB Eli Manning bobbled his clipboard multiple times on the sideline and saw it go skittering to the turf.  The first time was early in the first quarter, and he may have just been getting used to the feel of the game. Fortunately, the clipboard was recovered by a member of the Giants.  The second time, however, was a much costlier fumble as the clipboard made its way onto the field and was handed back to Eli by Buccaneers defender.  How embarrassing.

Eli’s clipboard was also intercepted late in the third quarter, as he attempted to show a note to Head Coach Pat Shurmur and Offensive Coordinator Mike Shula stepped in and looked at it first.  Eli will have to get these mistakes under control if he wants to keep his backup job.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

The Giants took down the Buccaneers on Sunday, improving to 1-2 on the season.  But it wasn’t all smooth sailing for the GMen, as QB Eli Manning bobbled his clipboard multiple times on the sideline and saw it go skittering to the turf.  The first time was early in the first quarter, and he may have just been getting used to the feel of the game. Fortunately, the clipboard was recovered by a member of the Giants.  The second time, however, was a much costlier fumble as the clipboard made its way onto the field and was handed back to Eli by Buccaneers defender.  How embarrassing.

Eli’s clipboard was also intercepted late in the third quarter, as he attempted to show a note to Head Coach Pat Shurmur and Offensive Coordinator Mike Shula stepped in and looked at it first.  Eli will have to get these mistakes under control if he wants to keep his backup job.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

It Begins: Draft Analysts Hunted Down Like Rats After Daniel Jones Stars

Mere seconds after Giants QB Daniel Jones rushed for a touchdown late in the 4th quarter against the Bucs (his fourth total touchdown of the day), the booming, ceremonial horns rang out across the United States and bloodthirsty mobs flooded out into the streets in search of NFL draft analysts who had besmirched The Chosen One.  Woe unto them, for light and life hath forsaken them, and they shall know no mercy.

Those that are fortunate enough to survive this culling should still be on high alert; Josh Allen and the Bills take on the Patriots next week.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Mere seconds after Giants QB Daniel Jones rushed for a touchdown late in the 4th quarter against the Bucs (his fourth total touchdown of the day), the booming, ceremonial horns rang out across the United States and bloodthirsty mobs flooded out into the streets in search of NFL draft analysts who had besmirched The Chosen One.  Woe unto them, for light and life hath forsaken them, and they shall know no mercy.

Those that are fortunate enough to survive this culling should still be on high alert; Josh Allen and the Bills take on the Patriots next week.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Heartbreaking: NFL Fanbase Legitimately Clamoring for Ryan Tannehill

In a development so tragic that the ancient Greeks themselves couldn’t have dreamed it up, Tennessee Titans fans are advocating for Ryan Tannehill to become their team’s starting quarterback.  Legions of Titans fans are, vocally and without irony, using words like “savior” to describe the 31-year old QB with underwhelming statistics and a 42-46 career record as a starter. “I think Tannehill could give this offense the electricity it needs to carry the team to the Super Bowl,” tweeted @TitansGlory69, a tweet that will no doubt become the subject of a six-part miniseries on A&E.

*Editor’s Note: At the time of publishing this post, the RotoBlurb staff had not yet watched Marcus Mariota play in the Titans – Jaguars Week 3 TNF game.  Subsequently, the staff watched the game and now totally gets it.  Ryan Tannehill should start for the Titans in Week 4.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

In a development so tragic that the ancient Greeks themselves couldn’t have dreamed it up, Tennessee Titans fans are advocating for Ryan Tannehill to become their team’s starting quarterback.  Legions of Titans fans are, vocally and without irony, using words like “savior” to describe the 31-year old QB with underwhelming statistics and a 42-46 career record as a starter. “I think Tannehill could give this offense the electricity it needs to carry the team to the Super Bowl,” tweeted @TitansGlory69, a tweet that will no doubt become the subject of a six-part miniseries on A&E.

*Editor’s Note: At the time of publishing this post, the RotoBlurb staff had not yet watched Marcus Mariota play in the Titans – Jaguars Week 3 TNF game.  Subsequently, the staff watched the game and now totally gets it.  Ryan Tannehill should start for the Titans in Week 4.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Twitter Warns of Total Site Collapse If Minshew Stays This Good

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey warned site users on Friday morning about Gardner Minshew II, who, with his wacky backstory and meme-able mustache, has generated so much content that it has been putting a strain on Twitter’s operating abilities.  “Currently, our servers have the capacity to handle a fun little 5-6 game stretch where Minshew makes some plays but ultimately performs like a 6th round pick and fizzles out,” Dorsey tweeted from his silent meditation retreat in Bali.  “If he’s actually good enough to be a long term starter…frankly, we’re screwed.”

Dorsey added that Twitter has deployed a special team to be on 24 hour stand-by in the event that Donald Trump tweets about Minshew.  Should such a tweet occur, that team is authorized to preemptively and permanently shut down the site.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey warned site users on Friday morning about Gardner Minshew II, who, with his wacky backstory and meme-able mustache, has generated so much content that it has been putting a strain on Twitter’s operating abilities.  “Currently, our servers have the capacity to handle a fun little 5-6 game stretch where Minshew makes some plays but ultimately performs like a 6th round pick and fizzles out,” Dorsey tweeted from his silent meditation retreat in Bali.  “If he’s actually good enough to be a long term starter…frankly, we’re screwed.”

Dorsey added that Twitter has deployed a special team to be on 24 hour stand-by in the event that Donald Trump tweets about Minshew.  Should such a tweet occur, that team is authorized to preemptively and permanently shut down the site.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Titans Assistant Coaches Penalized For Holding

Titans Head Coach Mike Vrabel announced on Friday that assistant coaches Keith Carter, Rob Moore, and Matt Pees have been penalized for flagrant holding in the team’s Week 3 game against the Jaguars.  The three assistants worked tirelessly to hold Vrabel back on the sideline as he attempted to mercilessly beat the ever-loving shit out of the game’s referees over several questionable penalty calls.

Vrabel said that the penalty for his assistants will be watching the game tape of the Jaguars Titans game on a 24-hour loop. 

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Titans Head Coach Mike Vrabel announced on Friday that assistant coaches Keith Carter, Rob Moore, and Matt Pees have been penalized for flagrant holding in the team’s Week 3 game against the Jaguars.  The three assistants worked tirelessly to hold Vrabel back on the sideline as he attempted to mercilessly beat the ever-loving shit out of the game’s referees over several questionable penalty calls.

Vrabel said that the penalty for his assistants will be watching the game tape of the Jaguars Titans game on a 24-hour loop. 

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Tout Savagely Eviscerates Take; Later Learns It Was His Own Take

Joe Rodgers, an analyst for RotoFFBall.com, went on a twitter tirade Wednesday morning, questioning the human worth of anyone who thinks Alvin Kamara is simply a product of Drew Brees’ offense. It was later revealed that Rodgers was unknowingly responding to a quote RT of his November 27th, 2017 gem: “Imagine believing Alvin Kamara could put put up 188 and 2 on any other offense in the league lol smh.”

You hate to see it.

Source: RotoScientist on Twitter

Joe Rodgers, an analyst for RotoFFBall.com, went on a twitter tirade Wednesday morning, questioning the human worth of anyone who thinks Alvin Kamara is simply a product of Drew Brees’ offense. It was later revealed that Rodgers was unknowingly responding to a quote RT of his November 27th, 2017 gem: “Imagine believing Alvin Kamara could put put up 188 and 2 on any other offense in the league lol smh.”

You hate to see it.

Source: RotoScientist on Twitter

9/18/2026: Toronto Argonauts Fail To Get Duke Johnson Involved

After signing the 32 year-old journeyman running back to the largest contract in CFL history, the Argonauts responded by giving Johnson six carries and only one target in their Week 2 loss to the Ottawa Redblacks. 43 year-old Frank Gore led the Argonauts on the ground with a workmanlike 65 yards on 29 carries.

Until Toronto commits to using Duke more heavily in the pass game, he must remain on your bench in all CFL fantasy leagues.

After signing the 32 year-old journeyman running back to the largest contract in CFL history, the Argonauts responded by giving Johnson six carries and only one target in their Week 2 loss to the Ottawa Redblacks. 43 year-old Frank Gore led the Argonauts on the ground with a workmanlike 65 yards on 29 carries.

Until Toronto commits to using Duke more heavily in the pass game, he must remain on your bench in all CFL fantasy leagues.

Not So Fast? Mara Not Ready to Name Giants’ Starter

Some game-changing yet unsurprising news came down Tuesday morning, as the Giants finally appeared to be ready to bench Eli Manning in favor of rookie Daniel Jones.  But team owner John Mara poured some cold water on the story at a Tuesday press conference. That water came in the form of Mara’s cascading tears as he choked back violent sobs at the contemplation of Eli’s career being over.  It’s clear that the team is, in fact, moving to the Jones era, but Mara was physically unable to bring himself to say Jones’ name without collapsing into a blubbering mess.

Assuming this is the end of Eli’s career, he finishes with a 116-116 record in 16 seasons and two Super Bowl wins that he absolutely pulled out of his ass.  Prove to us that he’s not a witch.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Some game-changing yet unsurprising news came down Tuesday morning, as the Giants finally appeared to be ready to bench Eli Manning in favor of rookie Daniel Jones.  But team owner John Mara poured some cold water on the story at a Tuesday press conference. That water came in the form of Mara’s cascading tears as he choked back violent sobs at the contemplation of Eli’s career being over.  It’s clear that the team is, in fact, moving to the Jones era, but Mara was physically unable to bring himself to say Jones’ name without collapsing into a blubbering mess.

Assuming this is the end of Eli’s career, he finishes with a 116-116 record in 16 seasons and two Super Bowl wins that he absolutely pulled out of his ass.  Prove to us that he’s not a witch.

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

Gregg Williams Seen Ominously Writing “OBJ” in Mysterious Black Notebook

After a testy week in which Jets DC Gregg Williams publicly questioned the talent of Browns WR Odell Beckham Jr., it was Beckham who got the last laugh on the field, humiliating Williams’ defense with 161 receiving yards and a career-long 89 yard touchdown.  But that may not be the end of this story.  After the game, and in full view of the assembled press, a quietly seething Williams wrote the letters “OBJ” in a tiny and mysterious black notebook that he seemed to produce out of thin air.  Jets beat reporter Rich Cimini said he couldn’t confirm, but that Williams appeared to scrawl the letters in his own blood.

Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  What does this mean??  No one seems to know exactly, but it CAN’T be good.  The Jets don’t even play the Browns again this year!  What could Williams be up to?  OBJ owners may want to sell in case the star WR has an unfortunate “accident.”

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter

After a testy week in which Jets DC Gregg Williams publicly questioned the talent of Browns WR Odell Beckham Jr., it was Beckham who got the last laugh on the field, humiliating Williams’ defense with 161 receiving yards and a career-long 89 yard touchdown.  But that may not be the end of this story.  After the game, and in full view of the assembled press, a quietly seething Williams wrote the letters “OBJ” in a tiny and mysterious black notebook that he seemed to produce out of thin air.  Jets beat reporter Rich Cimini said he couldn’t confirm, but that Williams appeared to scrawl the letters in his own blood.

Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  What does this mean??  No one seems to know exactly, but it CAN’T be good.  The Jets don’t even play the Browns again this year!  What could Williams be up to?  OBJ owners may want to sell in case the star WR has an unfortunate “accident.”

Source: RotoBroski on Twitter