Freddie Kitchens Makes Good on Promise; Fires Everyone

Early Wednesday morning, 44-year-old adult man “Freddie” Kitchens threatened to fire anyone who acted as an “unnamed source” for the media.  After almost-immediately realizing unnamed sources could be anyone, Kitchens fired the entire Cleveland Browns organization, including the players.   Kitchens, long-praised for his blue-collar attitude, was adamant he’d done the right thing:  “Yeah it was a short-sighted and meaningless threat, but what was I going to do, not fire everyone?  Can’t make an omelette without firing a few everyones.”

After an existential crisis, Kitchens went on to fire himself.  Will a re-organized Cleveland turn to Hue Jackson?  This is a situation to monitor.  

Source: Bamari Booper on Twitter

Early Wednesday morning, 44-year-old adult man “Freddie” Kitchens threatened to fire anyone who acted as an “unnamed source” for the media.  After almost-immediately realizing unnamed sources could be anyone, Kitchens fired the entire Cleveland Browns organization, including the players.   Kitchens, long-praised for his blue-collar attitude, was adamant he’d done the right thing:  “Yeah it was a short-sighted and meaningless threat, but what was I going to do, not fire everyone?  Can’t make an omelette without firing a few everyones.”

After an existential crisis, Kitchens went on to fire himself.  Will a re-organized Cleveland turn to Hue Jackson?  This is a situation to monitor.  

Source: Bamari Booper on Twitter

Bamari Booper

Bamari Booper is absolutely NOT the acclaimed wide receiver Amari Cooper. For example, Amari Cooper is often clean-shaven, while according to his contemporaries, Mr. Booper has the "realest mustache you ever saw." Mr. Booper is just a normal, everyday, 6'1" fantasy football writer with 4.4 wheels who recently moved to Dallas for work. No further questions thank you.