Blurbs by TheFFRotoGuruGuy

Bears ‘In Love’ With David Montgomery, Claim Tarik Cohen Is Just A ‘Friend With Benefits’

Yahoo Sports’ Terez Paylor reports the Bears are “in love” with rookie RB David Montgomery and plan to marry him as soon as Montgomery’s parents give them their blessing. Complicating things, however, is the fact that the Bears are still reportedly dating Tarik Cohen and Mike Davis. Coach Matt Nagy recently told the media that Cohen is just someone they like to “casually hook up with for the two minute drill” and Mike Davis is simply a “nice piece of  Seattle road beef.”

Interesting situation out of Chicago, but it is 2019 and these free-loving, polyamorous backfields have become more and more common.

Yahoo Sports’ Terez Paylor reports the Bears are “in love” with rookie RB David Montgomery and plan to marry him as soon as Montgomery’s parents give them their blessing. Complicating things, however, is the fact that the Bears are still reportedly dating Tarik Cohen and Mike Davis. Coach Matt Nagy recently told the media that Cohen is just someone they like to “casually hook up with for the two minute drill” and Mike Davis is simply a “nice piece of  Seattle road beef.”

Interesting situation out of Chicago, but it is 2019 and these free-loving, polyamorous backfields have become more and more common.

Jakobi Meyers Pummels Reporter After Mention of Kenbrell Thompkins

Meyers had to be restrained Monday after an altercation with Dan Shaughnessy. In a question and answer session after practice, Shaughnessy insinuated that Meyers’ preseason production might not carry over into the regular season similar to other Patriots preseason all stars, Kenbrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson. Meyers subsequently leaped the fence and took a couple swings at Dan before Mike Reiss ultimately broke up the scuffle.

With Josh Gordon set to return and N’Keal Harry getting familiar with the offense, we have to agree that Meyers has a chance to become our generation’s Kenbrell Thompkins.

Meyers had to be restrained Monday after an altercation with Dan Shaughnessy. In a question and answer session after practice, Shaughnessy insinuated that Meyers’ preseason production might not carry over into the regular season similar to other Patriots preseason all stars, Kenbrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson. Meyers subsequently leaped the fence and took a couple swings at Dan before Mike Reiss ultimately broke up the scuffle.

With Josh Gordon set to return and N’Keal Harry getting familiar with the offense, we have to agree that Meyers has a chance to become our generation’s Kenbrell Thompkins.

Man With $450 In Career DFS Winnings Skips Son’s Baptism For 3-Game Preseason Slate

Rob Wilson from Topeka, Kansas is in hot water with his wife and extended family after blowing off his son’s baptism at Saint Joseph Catholic Church on Thursday evening. “These preseason slates are by far the most profitable slates of the year,” said Wilson, who recently sold off all of his bitcoin to play more DFS. “Why did they have to schedule it at lock? My son can get baptized another time. When else am I going to get to play Justice Hill in a smash spot at low ownership?”

Rob is going to need to bink a GPP soon otherwise he’s going to lose everything.

Rob Wilson from Topeka, Kansas is in hot water with his wife and extended family after blowing off his son’s baptism at Saint Joseph Catholic Church on Thursday evening. “These preseason slates are by far the most profitable slates of the year,” said Wilson, who recently sold off all of his bitcoin to play more DFS. “Why did they have to schedule it at lock? My son can get baptized another time. When else am I going to get to play Justice Hill in a smash spot at low ownership?”

Rob is going to need to bink a GPP soon otherwise he’s going to lose everything.

Man With ‘Bills Mafia’ Tattoo Across His Face Mad At Evan Silva For Robert Foster Ranking

Silva and Bills4Lyfe69 had a productive exchange on Twitter late Wednesday night about Silva’s ranking of Foster in the Establish The Run draftkit. The back-and-forth discussion spanned over 50 tweets as topics such as quarterback efficiency, pace of play, and weighted opportunity rating were all debated in a polite and level-headed manner.

Silva ended the discussion agreeing to bump him up a few slots.

Silva and Bills4Lyfe69 had a productive exchange on Twitter late Wednesday night about Silva’s ranking of Foster in the Establish The Run draftkit. The back-and-forth discussion spanned over 50 tweets as topics such as quarterback efficiency, pace of play, and weighted opportunity rating were all debated in a polite and level-headed manner.

Silva ended the discussion agreeing to bump him up a few slots.

Tom from Home League Forced To Google ‘Preston Williams’

“The dudes in our league Telegram chat won’t stop sharing clips of this guy from Twitter. I’m not even on fucking Twitter. It’s August. I’m at the beach and at the pool. You think I have time to grind training camp tape on an undrafted free agent from Colorado State? GTFOH.”

Tom seems mad and is definitely taking running backs with his first five picks this year.

“The dudes in our league Telegram chat won’t stop sharing clips of this guy from Twitter. I’m not even on fucking Twitter. It’s August. I’m at the beach and at the pool. You think I have time to grind training camp tape on an undrafted free agent from Colorado State? GTFOH.”

Tom seems mad and is definitely taking running backs with his first five picks this year.

Fantasy Analyst Rushed To Hospital After Godwin Injury Scare

After Bucs reporter Adam Beasley tweeted out that Chris Godwin had pulled up lame in practice today, Joe Rodgers, an analyst for RotoFFBall.com suffered a heart attack in his mother’s spacious basement. The heart palpitations began after he quote RT’d the initial report with “Oh God no” mere seconds after the tweet was published.

He is expected to recover quickly and is rumored to be back adjusting his ranks by the end of the week.

After Bucs reporter Adam Beasley tweeted out that Chris Godwin had pulled up lame in practice today, Joe Rodgers, an analyst for RotoFFBall.com suffered a heart attack in his mother’s spacious basement. The heart palpitations began after he quote RT’d the initial report with “Oh God no” mere seconds after the tweet was published.

He is expected to recover quickly and is rumored to be back adjusting his ranks by the end of the week.

Adam Gase Sacrifices First Born Son In Deal With The Devil

In a follow up to a recent report by the Athletic, it’s been revealed that, in an absolutely bonkers move, Adam Gase has a brokered a deal with the devil where he exchanges his son for a guaranteed 9-7 record this season. Said Gase, “When I accepted this job I said I’d do anything to win. This is no exception.”

Adam Gase’s wife has left him. “Our first born is worth at least a playoff birth,” she said.

In a follow up to a recent report by the Athletic, it’s been revealed that, in an absolutely bonkers move, Adam Gase has a brokered a deal with the devil where he exchanges his son for a guaranteed 9-7 record this season. Said Gase, “When I accepted this job I said I’d do anything to win. This is no exception.”

Adam Gase’s wife has left him. “Our first born is worth at least a playoff birth,” she said.

Hard Knocks Drama: Antonio Brown’s Kid Asks Him If His Efficiency Has Fallen Off A Cliff?

On the first episode of Hard Knocks last night, Antonio Brown’s child asked him if it is true that his efficiency has fallen off a cliff in recent years, citing an article by Action Network’s Matthew Freedman from November of last year. Said AB’s son: “Dad, your RACR metric has been falling every year. You’re losing efficiency rapidly and I’m worried no amount of volume will be able to justify your current ADP in fantasy drafts.”

It’s hard to do a takeaway when AB’s son so succinctly summarized the issue with drafting Brown this year. When paired with the foot issues, Brown is an easy fade.

On the first episode of Hard Knocks last night, Antonio Brown’s child asked him if it is true that his efficiency has fallen off a cliff in recent years, citing an article by Action Network’s Matthew Freedman from November of last year. Said AB’s son: “Dad, your RACR metric has been falling every year. You’re losing efficiency rapidly and I’m worried no amount of volume will be able to justify your current ADP in fantasy drafts.”

It’s hard to do a takeaway when AB’s son so succinctly summarized the issue with drafting Brown this year. When paired with the foot issues, Brown is an easy fade.

Antonio Brown ‘Gathering Information’ On Foot Issue In Napa; Seen Grape Stomping

Jon Gruden said Antonio Brown was hoping that the method of macreation used in traditional wine-making could have a rejuvenating affect on his messed up feet.

This sounds promising for Brown’s recovery, though he runs the risk of suffering a similar fate as the infamous Grape Stomping Lady.

Jon Gruden said Antonio Brown was hoping that the method of macreation used in traditional wine-making could have a rejuvenating affect on his messed up feet.

This sounds promising for Brown’s recovery, though he runs the risk of suffering a similar fate as the infamous Grape Stomping Lady.

Andy Reid Says Tyreek Hill is “On Thin Ice”

The quote was overheard at a team outing to a local Kansas City skating rink. Reid was voicing concerns about the durability of the ice in the warm summer months and was worried his star wide receiver was at risk of falling and hurting himself for the season.

It’s certainly odd for the team to be ice skating in July, but team bonding events such as these lay the groundwork for playoff runs in January. Tyreek Hill looks poised for a massive season provided he doesn’t attempt any ambitious axel jumps on melting ice.

The quote was overheard at a team outing to a local Kansas City skating rink. Reid was voicing concerns about the durability of the ice in the warm summer months and was worried his star wide receiver was at risk of falling and hurting himself for the season.

It’s certainly odd for the team to be ice skating in July, but team bonding events such as these lay the groundwork for playoff runs in January. Tyreek Hill looks poised for a massive season provided he doesn’t attempt any ambitious axel jumps on melting ice.